I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize