it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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