Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
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