Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
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