You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Randomize
