That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
