Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
