we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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