Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
