just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
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