He is an equal opportunity slut.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
