If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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