96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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