Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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