Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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