I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
