why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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