They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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