if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I have aggressive nipples.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
