I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
