OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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