Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
