Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
