I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
True strength comes from lack of pants
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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