When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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