I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
