Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize