The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
