Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
