Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
