just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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