I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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