I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
