I just pynch a tree in the face
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
