I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
