How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Two words: blizzard sex
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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