The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
