Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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