I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
