I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
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