be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
