I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
