After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
