the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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