I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize