The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Success! We fucked roommates!
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
