One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
