It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize