I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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