i don't like sucking hair
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
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