Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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