I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
