I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
