I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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