i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
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