i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
