If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
