So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
