she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
