Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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