You just made me feel so damn special
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
