My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Woke up backwards on a recliner
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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