It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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