Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize