you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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