i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
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