Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
