I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
