You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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