This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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