Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
