If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
