Christians are straight up FREAKS
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
