He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
