Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize