why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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