She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
