guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
my poor anus
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
